What to teach my child about being multicultured

My co-worker posted this video to her Facebook page the other day.  It's Anderson Cooper talking about a study that looks at the way black and white children perceive each other.  I thought it was incredibly enlightening particularly when it addressed bringing up children to be colour-blind.  I know it's a difficult subject to broach, but I do think it's important to talk to our children about diversity and its challenges.  It's unrealistic to think that if we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.

I know people mean well when they say things like, 'Oh, I almost forgot you were Chinese!' or 'Oh, I don't even see you as Chinese, you're just Sonia to me!'  I imagine it's true for those who say it and they say it as a compliment as well as a sign of their own growth - they see me as a person, not just the colour of my skin.  Yet for someone who is Chinese, who lives and breathes and can't escape my own skin, I can't help but wonder how that possibly happens.  How do you separate my being Chinese from who I am?  I know I can't.  I mean, seriously, my being Chinese is pretty in your face.  As in all over mine.  And in my bones and my soul.  

Now if you've never met me and you hear my English accent and see my Irish last name, my being Chinese is probably not what you expect.  I often get curious questions like, 'So where are you from?'  which typically means, I want to know where you got that accent, and where you got those features.  Some people find that offensive, but I don't mind it as it usually means I've piqued someone's interest and they're genuinely curious about me.  I even have a canned response for that question these days, a 10 second rundown which inevitably leads to, 'So how did you get here?'  which of course leads to the, 'Yes, I really did meet my husband on the internet' story which sparks an entirely different line of questioning!

I identify myself as being Chinese, yet I live the dilemma that many second generation Chinese like myself do.  Brought up by eastern philosophy parents in the western world, people often call us bananas - yellow on the outside, white on the inside.  It can be disconcerting to not quite fit in when you're in your 'homeland', and not quite fit in where you were brought up either.  Our western viewpoints and ideas often clash with those of the east.  This can be incredibly confusing and difficult to reconcile; we can't be expected to hold the same views when we were brought up in a different environment.  It can be particularly difficult to hear other Chinese people criticise us for not being 'Chinese' enough.  I'm not sure how to explain that, but I guess that's for another blog.

So I'm not quite Chinese enough, yet I'm not English either.  Even when people say, 'Oh, you're English!'  I always correct them because, well, that's what the English would do.  It doesn't feel quite right claiming to be English.  I was travelling in Europe once and an English guy asked me where I was from.  I said, 'England' and he responded, 'Oh, you're a scotch egg'.  I am proud to be a Brit though.  I can't imagine not being British because I think that's in my bones and my soul too.  Growing up in a multicultural city like Manchester really equipped me with the knowledge and sensitivity to be comfortable around people of different temperaments and backgrounds. 

I know Lydia will encounter difficulties growing up. She'll be asked where she's from as well as where her parents are from. People will say mean and hurtful things to her about the way she looks. She'll be told to go back to where she came from.  There will be a whole host of questions, judgments and opinions that come with having parents in an interracial relationship.  It's also difficult because we live in South Carolina, not exactly the most diverse place in the world.  It's a place where you often have to find those mulitcultural moments rather than being automatically surrounded by them.  Actively seeking out opportunities to teach my child about diversity seems so counter-intuitive to me.  I still have a lot of learning and growing to do. 

I often talk about race relations with people.  My hope is that people feel comfortable asking questions without fear of offending me or saying the wrong thing.  I'm hoping that my experience will help me talk to Lydia too.  I often hear comments from interracial couples that they worry about the racism their children will have to deal with.  I know these are valid fears, and most of us in this day and age come through it relatively unscathed.  I still encounter racism to this day and unfortunately it's just a part of life.  It's not that we are born with an innate ability to deal with mean people though.  We have a community of people standing by us.  There are friends and strangers who are willing to stand up for us when we're feeling weak and beat down, and there are friends and strangers who are willing to stand next to us when we're fighting the fight.  It sure does feel like a battle some days.  But without the support, it can be a lonely road and a losing battle.

One Love.