If you're up at 4am EST, think of me.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Losing Sleep
There's nothing like losing sleep to look after your child - it's a special kind of love. Just the other week I thought to myself, 'This is the best type of sleep deprivation'. It's like a rite of passage for new parents. It really doesn't last for very long. I don't mind losing sleep for the good of the cause (you know, making sure the baby's not starving), but there are disadvantages to being awake at 4am. The one that tops the list for me: My husband's snoring. I have such a visceral reaction to it that I've taken to complaining on twitter just so I don't smother him with a pillow. He is the best husband and Dad, just not when I'm awake at 4am...and he's not.
If you're up at 4am EST, think of me.
If you're up at 4am EST, think of me.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Termie after a Preemie
I'm back! I haven't blogged for a long time because I was growing a baby! Rhys was born 14th November at 38 1/2 weeks weighing in at 7lbs 2oz. I would have chronicled our pregnancy, but for the first and second trimesters I didn't want to talk about it too much. I was hopeful that the baby would make it past 28 weeks, but there was a high probability we would have another preemie this time around too.
Having a full-term baby after a preemie is such an incredibly healing experience. We held our breath, waiting to reach certain milestones. We went about our normal everyday life for the first 20 weeks. The doctor said I would probably be on bedrest anytime after 20 weeks, so I just willed myself to get there. There was no, 'This week your child is the size of a fig' excitement. I actually hardly read or thought about anything to do with babies until we reached the end of the second trimester. We were so relieved and shocked when we reached 28 weeks. To think that this baby was staying in there longer than Lydia had, and would be bigger too!
Experiencing the third trimester was truly wonderful. It was such a healing process and I enjoyed every bit of it. I don't think I was as uncomfortable as many pregnant people seem to be. I thought it was incredibly funny that complete strangers would approach me and ask when the baby was due. At least I didn't look like I had gotten greedy and put on a ton of weight! People would also say, 'Oh, you have a girl? Well then you know what to expect!' and I'd really want to tell them that I had no idea what to expect as we were in unchartered territory!
Now, I have a beautiful baby boy at home. We're all adjusting to a different routine and schedule, but it's a termie routine and schedule. There's nothing like it. It's hard to describe how much easier it is to be present with my baby when there's not the constant worry and stress of what tomorrow will bring.
Lydia described it the best. She said, 'Rhys is home! Now we're a whole family!' We're so incredibly lucky and I can't believe I have TWO kiddos at home :) LOVE!
Having a full-term baby after a preemie is such an incredibly healing experience. We held our breath, waiting to reach certain milestones. We went about our normal everyday life for the first 20 weeks. The doctor said I would probably be on bedrest anytime after 20 weeks, so I just willed myself to get there. There was no, 'This week your child is the size of a fig' excitement. I actually hardly read or thought about anything to do with babies until we reached the end of the second trimester. We were so relieved and shocked when we reached 28 weeks. To think that this baby was staying in there longer than Lydia had, and would be bigger too!
Experiencing the third trimester was truly wonderful. It was such a healing process and I enjoyed every bit of it. I don't think I was as uncomfortable as many pregnant people seem to be. I thought it was incredibly funny that complete strangers would approach me and ask when the baby was due. At least I didn't look like I had gotten greedy and put on a ton of weight! People would also say, 'Oh, you have a girl? Well then you know what to expect!' and I'd really want to tell them that I had no idea what to expect as we were in unchartered territory!
Now, I have a beautiful baby boy at home. We're all adjusting to a different routine and schedule, but it's a termie routine and schedule. There's nothing like it. It's hard to describe how much easier it is to be present with my baby when there's not the constant worry and stress of what tomorrow will bring.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Changes
I'm currently fighting off a cough. I thought it was just allergies, but then I started getting that heavy chest feeling yesterday. Today I'm on the verge of either getting better or getting worse! My body betrays me in ways that it didn't ten years ago. My immune system laughs at me and says, 'Long hours, late nights and working on weekends is TOO FUNNY...here are a few germs to remind you of how ridiculous you are!'
My job is changing. Today, four different people at work and my husband asked me, 'How do you feel about that?' Really, they should go through that volunteer training for the hotline. They might be good at it or something. In answer to that question, it's quite sad yet exciting at the same time. I just realised that it's been nine years since I first got hired! It's funny to think of how grown up I am now!
Lydia's changing too. I'm always laughing at Lydia. I asked her to mimic her Daddy's 'bad face' to which she replied, 'I can't do that because I'm too nice'. When I think of Lydia, 'nice' isn't exactly the first word that comes to mind. Cheeky, sassy, animated, dramatic, stubborn, fun-loving... these words come to mind. Nice? Not exactly the top of the list. We just moved her from a home daycare to a development center type setting a couple of weeks ago. She seems to be taking to it quite well and she's enjoying herself. I've found that the biggest things she's learned so far are, 'But why, Mummy?' and 'I don't know'. I wouldn't exactly say I'm proud, but I've been told these are just traits of an average three year old so I'm trying to roll with it!
At this very moment, Gary and Lydia are sleeping outside in a tent. They were supposed to go to a Father's Day sleepover at the aquarium but it got cancelled because there weren't enough people signed up. Gary decided to put up the tent in the back yard, get the sleeping bags out and sleep under the stars. Lydia is loving it. She's been incessantly talking about camping since the Legend of Pinkfoot show she watched. I love watching my husband and child together. Gary's a really great Dad. Lydia is just perfectly Lydia.
Until next time!
My job is changing. Today, four different people at work and my husband asked me, 'How do you feel about that?' Really, they should go through that volunteer training for the hotline. They might be good at it or something. In answer to that question, it's quite sad yet exciting at the same time. I just realised that it's been nine years since I first got hired! It's funny to think of how grown up I am now!
Lydia's changing too. I'm always laughing at Lydia. I asked her to mimic her Daddy's 'bad face' to which she replied, 'I can't do that because I'm too nice'. When I think of Lydia, 'nice' isn't exactly the first word that comes to mind. Cheeky, sassy, animated, dramatic, stubborn, fun-loving... these words come to mind. Nice? Not exactly the top of the list. We just moved her from a home daycare to a development center type setting a couple of weeks ago. She seems to be taking to it quite well and she's enjoying herself. I've found that the biggest things she's learned so far are, 'But why, Mummy?' and 'I don't know'. I wouldn't exactly say I'm proud, but I've been told these are just traits of an average three year old so I'm trying to roll with it!
At this very moment, Gary and Lydia are sleeping outside in a tent. They were supposed to go to a Father's Day sleepover at the aquarium but it got cancelled because there weren't enough people signed up. Gary decided to put up the tent in the back yard, get the sleeping bags out and sleep under the stars. Lydia is loving it. She's been incessantly talking about camping since the Legend of Pinkfoot show she watched. I love watching my husband and child together. Gary's a really great Dad. Lydia is just perfectly Lydia.
Until next time!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Turning 33
I can't believe that there's not just one generation following me, there's two! I've gotten to the stage where I have no idea how old I am. Someone asks, 'How old are you?' and here's what goes on in my head, 'What year is it? 2011? Oh, no it's 2012. What year was I born? 1979? So...1979...2012...21...add...12...' until finally I figure out how bloody old I really am. I'm not really bothered about turning 33. I don't really feel old or young although I'm sure I'm one or the other to some of you.
Life has been amazing lately. Some of my best friends from school are getting married, celebrating anniversaries, or looking forward to the future. My brother and sisters seem to be happy. They're also getting married or looking forward to the future. My parents continue to be the essence of who I remember them to be.
The future holds so much for me, Gary and Lydia. Our 3 year old girl loves life, whines, moans, cries and will give you attitude at every turn. One minute she needs help for everything, the next minute she wants to do everything herself. She can be incredibly loveable and full of laughter. She can also be mean, say she doesn't want to talk to us or just tell us she wants to be on her own. It's all quite humourous.
We travel to Washington state at the end of next month for my mother-in-law's memorial. We've all come to terms with what happened,and we're beginning to recall fond memories rather than the times when she was so sick. Today, Lydia wanted peanut butter with her apple and she remembered it was the lady who was in the room with grandma (where she was getting physical rehab) that gave her some. Who knows what she'll remember when she's older.
Anyway, just a short update on what's going on in my life. My hope at 33 is to live long enough to watch my child grow up and have a life of her own. I'd like to travel a bit more, spend more time with the people I love, do more of what I enjoy. I'd like to be kinder to my husband and not nag so much (you know, maybe after a few more years he'll actually be trained!). For the time being, I have a billion projects I'm working on at home. I'd like to finish one of them! I'll let you know what it is when I finish one :/
Life has been amazing lately. Some of my best friends from school are getting married, celebrating anniversaries, or looking forward to the future. My brother and sisters seem to be happy. They're also getting married or looking forward to the future. My parents continue to be the essence of who I remember them to be.
The future holds so much for me, Gary and Lydia. Our 3 year old girl loves life, whines, moans, cries and will give you attitude at every turn. One minute she needs help for everything, the next minute she wants to do everything herself. She can be incredibly loveable and full of laughter. She can also be mean, say she doesn't want to talk to us or just tell us she wants to be on her own. It's all quite humourous.
We travel to Washington state at the end of next month for my mother-in-law's memorial. We've all come to terms with what happened,and we're beginning to recall fond memories rather than the times when she was so sick. Today, Lydia wanted peanut butter with her apple and she remembered it was the lady who was in the room with grandma (where she was getting physical rehab) that gave her some. Who knows what she'll remember when she's older.
Anyway, just a short update on what's going on in my life. My hope at 33 is to live long enough to watch my child grow up and have a life of her own. I'd like to travel a bit more, spend more time with the people I love, do more of what I enjoy. I'd like to be kinder to my husband and not nag so much (you know, maybe after a few more years he'll actually be trained!). For the time being, I have a billion projects I'm working on at home. I'd like to finish one of them! I'll let you know what it is when I finish one :/
Monday, April 23, 2012
Another blog meme
I received a few complaints about numbers 5, 6 and 7 of the last blog meme. Apparently my dreams are not all that fascinating, or at least not worth 3 of the 7 'things you didn't know about me'! Haha! So, to finish off the last one, here are numbers 6 and 7, as number 5 I will count all of my dream stuff rolled into one!
6. I love picnics. One time, my siblings and I microwaved hotdogs and took them to the park. I don't really remember much else but that it was a lot of fun. One summer, my siblings and I travelled all around the UK by train. We would make chicken drumsticks and sandwiches for our trip. I remember Bern falling asleep in Oxford and having to carry her everywhere, and people looking at us and wondering what a bunch of young kids were doing wandering around town.
7. I watch movies from the middle to the end. Gary hates it when I do that, but sometimes there's a movie on and I'll just turn it on. Or, it's a movie I've seen that I've either forgotten how it ends, or I liked the ending so I just watch the end part!
That's all I've got. Onto the next meme!!
Well this blog meme was sent to me by my sister. This is very much a motherhood-themed meme as the questions imply that we don't have much time to complete the tasks as we're too busy looking after the kiddos. So that being said, I won't be sad if you don't read this to the end.
Some ground rules to start:
... do your laundry?
Usually on weekends, although I sometimes do a load mid-week that sits there for a few days before I get it folded and put away. I have about 3 loads of clothes I need to hang up in my closet. I won't say no to some help if someone wants to come over!
...write a blog post?
I used to blog once a week on sonia-gary-lydia.blogspot.com. Then that changed to once every couple of weeks, to once a month, to totally not. Now I have this new blog. I worried about consistency of posts at first but when I feel obligated to blog, I find I have no creative juices at all. So now I blog whenever I have something to say.
...look after yourself?... i.e. wash your hair, paint your nails, take a bubble bath etc?
I don't particularly care for bubble baths. Washing my hair isn't really a luxury - isn't that just a necessity in the course of hygiene?! So I do that every other day when I'm in my daily morning shower. I do paint my nails and have done so since I was 14 years old. I've probably only gone a few months since then without nail varnish on my nails. I have noticed that I am less inclined to freak out when my nail varnish is chipping off though. I probably do my nails once a week, as in I do them myself as I don't trust anyone else to touch them!
...spend time with your other half?
We spend every evening together, unless I'm working. We usually get a couple of hours after Lydia goes to bed. We rarely go on date night. Even before Lydia was born, we rarely had date nights. We went places and spent time together, but it was rare that it was a planned night out for the purpose of romance and love! My reasoning is: 1. We're content with being a family all the time. 2. My husband is incredibly unromantic. You can try to change him if you want - I still try even after 12 years
...do fun stuff with your LO?
All the time. We try to go somewhere on the weekends. We go to hockey. We spend time in the evening playing.
...spend time with family?
I see my father-in-law at least once a week. My family is all in England, so maybe once a year.
...socialise with friends?
Usually a couple of times a month. Not too often as I don't really need it and I talk to lots of people at work. Every time I go back home I get to see friends too.
...prepare an evening meal juggling a baby/toddler bedtime routine?
I call it, 'My husband'. I am really irritable when I'm hungry, so if I'm trying to spend time with Lydia too, it's even worse. If I'm not rushed (like on weekends) I don't mind cooking, or if Gary really really doesn't want to cook for some reason. Otherwise Gary's pretty good at cooking if I tell him what to cook. This is probably the best thing about my husband and it takes a lot of stress off me because I get home from work a lot later than he does and I used to hate having to figure out dinner to eat half an hour after I walked into the door because I wouldn't have time to even sit down. He eventually just fell into the routine of doing it most of the time.
...deep clean your house?
I have no idea what that means. If you'd like to come to my house and show me, please feel free to do so.
...do the food shopping?
Gary and I go food shopping usually on the weekend.
...bulk ironing?
Seriously? No way. We had to iron masses of shirts for my Dad when we were growing up. I don't think there's anything I detest more. My brother hates painting because we had to paint the house every summer too. I still have a few items of clothing that I haven't worn for about a year because they require ironing. The only reason I iron these days is if I have something I'm sewing that needs to be ironed! Why iron when there are dry cleaners? And I don't have enough money for dry cleaners so I just buy clothes that don't need to be ironed, or things that will straighten themselves out once they've been hung up in my closet for long enough!!
That's all, folks. I'm not a very good tagger so if you feel like filling out these questions, feel free to do so. Follow the rules better than I do ;)
6. I love picnics. One time, my siblings and I microwaved hotdogs and took them to the park. I don't really remember much else but that it was a lot of fun. One summer, my siblings and I travelled all around the UK by train. We would make chicken drumsticks and sandwiches for our trip. I remember Bern falling asleep in Oxford and having to carry her everywhere, and people looking at us and wondering what a bunch of young kids were doing wandering around town.
7. I watch movies from the middle to the end. Gary hates it when I do that, but sometimes there's a movie on and I'll just turn it on. Or, it's a movie I've seen that I've either forgotten how it ends, or I liked the ending so I just watch the end part!
That's all I've got. Onto the next meme!!
Well this blog meme was sent to me by my sister. This is very much a motherhood-themed meme as the questions imply that we don't have much time to complete the tasks as we're too busy looking after the kiddos. So that being said, I won't be sad if you don't read this to the end.
Some ground rules to start:
- Post the rules
- When answering the questions, please give as much detail as possible
- Leave a comment on Sex, drugs, rocker and stroller, baby so we can keep track of the meme and totally steal your routine tips to make our worlds a happier place
- Tag 3 or more people and link them to your blog
... do your laundry?
Usually on weekends, although I sometimes do a load mid-week that sits there for a few days before I get it folded and put away. I have about 3 loads of clothes I need to hang up in my closet. I won't say no to some help if someone wants to come over!
...write a blog post?
I used to blog once a week on sonia-gary-lydia.blogspot.com. Then that changed to once every couple of weeks, to once a month, to totally not. Now I have this new blog. I worried about consistency of posts at first but when I feel obligated to blog, I find I have no creative juices at all. So now I blog whenever I have something to say.
...look after yourself?... i.e. wash your hair, paint your nails, take a bubble bath etc?
I don't particularly care for bubble baths. Washing my hair isn't really a luxury - isn't that just a necessity in the course of hygiene?! So I do that every other day when I'm in my daily morning shower. I do paint my nails and have done so since I was 14 years old. I've probably only gone a few months since then without nail varnish on my nails. I have noticed that I am less inclined to freak out when my nail varnish is chipping off though. I probably do my nails once a week, as in I do them myself as I don't trust anyone else to touch them!
...spend time with your other half?
We spend every evening together, unless I'm working. We usually get a couple of hours after Lydia goes to bed. We rarely go on date night. Even before Lydia was born, we rarely had date nights. We went places and spent time together, but it was rare that it was a planned night out for the purpose of romance and love! My reasoning is: 1. We're content with being a family all the time. 2. My husband is incredibly unromantic. You can try to change him if you want - I still try even after 12 years
...do fun stuff with your LO?
All the time. We try to go somewhere on the weekends. We go to hockey. We spend time in the evening playing.
...spend time with family?
I see my father-in-law at least once a week. My family is all in England, so maybe once a year.
...socialise with friends?
Usually a couple of times a month. Not too often as I don't really need it and I talk to lots of people at work. Every time I go back home I get to see friends too.
...prepare an evening meal juggling a baby/toddler bedtime routine?
I call it, 'My husband'. I am really irritable when I'm hungry, so if I'm trying to spend time with Lydia too, it's even worse. If I'm not rushed (like on weekends) I don't mind cooking, or if Gary really really doesn't want to cook for some reason. Otherwise Gary's pretty good at cooking if I tell him what to cook. This is probably the best thing about my husband and it takes a lot of stress off me because I get home from work a lot later than he does and I used to hate having to figure out dinner to eat half an hour after I walked into the door because I wouldn't have time to even sit down. He eventually just fell into the routine of doing it most of the time.
...deep clean your house?
I have no idea what that means. If you'd like to come to my house and show me, please feel free to do so.
...do the food shopping?
Gary and I go food shopping usually on the weekend.
...bulk ironing?
Seriously? No way. We had to iron masses of shirts for my Dad when we were growing up. I don't think there's anything I detest more. My brother hates painting because we had to paint the house every summer too. I still have a few items of clothing that I haven't worn for about a year because they require ironing. The only reason I iron these days is if I have something I'm sewing that needs to be ironed! Why iron when there are dry cleaners? And I don't have enough money for dry cleaners so I just buy clothes that don't need to be ironed, or things that will straighten themselves out once they've been hung up in my closet for long enough!!
That's all, folks. I'm not a very good tagger so if you feel like filling out these questions, feel free to do so. Follow the rules better than I do ;)
Friday, April 20, 2012
Bet you didn't know this about me
I've been tagged in a couple of blog memes so before I'm told I'm a complete blog snob, I figured I'd give a nod to some of my dearest friends and family and answer the questions. I'm quite an open book so this first meme will be rather difficult. Apparently I'm supposed to share seven things about myself. I'm guessing they have to be interesting and not things you already know. I'm fairly certain you already know my name and what I look like (um, hello, pictures all over the blog?). You may not know about my penchant for spotting spelling mistakes on any document that whizzes in front of my face for a millisecond, but that's just old news to people who spend any time with me. Anyway, I'm procrastinating.
1. I know a little bit about every sport. I love to watch sports in general. I think it's because I have no sense of balance myself and no athletic ability at all, so I cheer on my favourite teams instead. I've noticed that I can connect with all types of people with my rudimentary knowledge about sports. Sometimes I know random facts about sports and wonder why that's taking up space in my head. It's irritating yet awesome at the same time!
2. I'm really nosey. Call it curious, interested, inquisitive, whatever you want. I am genuinely interested in many different things, but mostly in your life. I love to learn how people are managing, coping, thriving, living... I like to know what makes people who they are.
3. I think my true calling is helping people to see themselves. I find myself drawn to helping people see their strengths and how to harness them. I love to help people feel comfortable and happy with who they are. Hate towards other people and towards ourselves takes too much energy away from living life.
4. I don't really drink alcohol. I don't really like it or how I feel and act with it. I get a lot of lip and pressure from people when I don't drink. It irritates me that people think this is up for discussion and not my choice. I have my reasons. If you want to drink, drink. Don't think you'll ever make me feel like I'm letting myself down by not drinking alcohol. How ridiculous is that?
5. I woke myself up last night laughing. Seriously. In my dream, there were people popping up - out of a hat or something - and it was making me laugh. I snorted whilst laughing in my dream which actually woke me up. I think I was probably snoring really loudly! Anyway, I woke up and couldn't stop laughing. It was really strange.
6. The other night, I had a dream that I was on a plane that suddenly started plunging at a 90 degree angle into the sea. At first I thought we were crashing, then I realised we were actually going underwater. We ended up going to the bottom of the sea where there was this entire undersea world. We got there and it was like that new show, Terra Nova. You could go to this new land but you couldn't go back. There was a girl on a cell phone and they told her she couldn't talk on it because there was no contact allowed with the 'other' world. Yeah, I have no idea where this dream came from either.
7. I have really vivid dreams. Some of you have heard my Chili (our beagle) and roast chicken dream. I'll tell you about it if you haven't!
Ummm I guess at this point I'm supposed to tag some peeps to participate. How about I send this out to the blogosphere and just see who wants to respond?!
1. I know a little bit about every sport. I love to watch sports in general. I think it's because I have no sense of balance myself and no athletic ability at all, so I cheer on my favourite teams instead. I've noticed that I can connect with all types of people with my rudimentary knowledge about sports. Sometimes I know random facts about sports and wonder why that's taking up space in my head. It's irritating yet awesome at the same time!
2. I'm really nosey. Call it curious, interested, inquisitive, whatever you want. I am genuinely interested in many different things, but mostly in your life. I love to learn how people are managing, coping, thriving, living... I like to know what makes people who they are.
3. I think my true calling is helping people to see themselves. I find myself drawn to helping people see their strengths and how to harness them. I love to help people feel comfortable and happy with who they are. Hate towards other people and towards ourselves takes too much energy away from living life.
4. I don't really drink alcohol. I don't really like it or how I feel and act with it. I get a lot of lip and pressure from people when I don't drink. It irritates me that people think this is up for discussion and not my choice. I have my reasons. If you want to drink, drink. Don't think you'll ever make me feel like I'm letting myself down by not drinking alcohol. How ridiculous is that?
5. I woke myself up last night laughing. Seriously. In my dream, there were people popping up - out of a hat or something - and it was making me laugh. I snorted whilst laughing in my dream which actually woke me up. I think I was probably snoring really loudly! Anyway, I woke up and couldn't stop laughing. It was really strange.
6. The other night, I had a dream that I was on a plane that suddenly started plunging at a 90 degree angle into the sea. At first I thought we were crashing, then I realised we were actually going underwater. We ended up going to the bottom of the sea where there was this entire undersea world. We got there and it was like that new show, Terra Nova. You could go to this new land but you couldn't go back. There was a girl on a cell phone and they told her she couldn't talk on it because there was no contact allowed with the 'other' world. Yeah, I have no idea where this dream came from either.
7. I have really vivid dreams. Some of you have heard my Chili (our beagle) and roast chicken dream. I'll tell you about it if you haven't!
Ummm I guess at this point I'm supposed to tag some peeps to participate. How about I send this out to the blogosphere and just see who wants to respond?!
Monday, April 9, 2012
What to teach my child about being multicultured
My co-worker posted this video to her Facebook page the other day. It's Anderson Cooper talking about a study that looks at the way black and white children perceive each other. I thought it was incredibly enlightening particularly when it addressed bringing up children to be colour-blind. I know it's a difficult subject to broach, but I do think it's important to talk to our children about diversity and its challenges. It's unrealistic to think that if we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist.
I know people mean well when they say things like, 'Oh, I almost forgot you were Chinese!' or 'Oh, I don't even see you as Chinese, you're just Sonia to me!' I imagine it's true for those who say it and they say it as a compliment as well as a sign of their own growth - they see me as a person, not just the colour of my skin. Yet for someone who is Chinese, who lives and breathes and can't escape my own skin, I can't help but wonder how that possibly happens. How do you separate my being Chinese from who I am? I know I can't. I mean, seriously, my being Chinese is pretty in your face. As in all over mine. And in my bones and my soul.
Now if you've never met me and you hear my English accent and see my Irish last name, my being Chinese is probably not what you expect. I often get curious questions like, 'So where are you from?' which typically means, I want to know where you got that accent, and where you got those features. Some people find that offensive, but I don't mind it as it usually means I've piqued someone's interest and they're genuinely curious about me. I even have a canned response for that question these days, a 10 second rundown which inevitably leads to, 'So how did you get here?' which of course leads to the, 'Yes, I really did meet my husband on the internet' story which sparks an entirely different line of questioning!
I identify myself as being Chinese, yet I live the dilemma that many second generation Chinese like myself do. Brought up by eastern philosophy parents in the western world, people often call us bananas - yellow on the outside, white on the inside. It can be disconcerting to not quite fit in when you're in your 'homeland', and not quite fit in where you were brought up either. Our western viewpoints and ideas often clash with those of the east. This can be incredibly confusing and difficult to reconcile; we can't be expected to hold the same views when we were brought up in a different environment. It can be particularly difficult to hear other Chinese people criticise us for not being 'Chinese' enough. I'm not sure how to explain that, but I guess that's for another blog.
So I'm not quite Chinese enough, yet I'm not English either. Even when people say, 'Oh, you're English!' I always correct them because, well, that's what the English would do. It doesn't feel quite right claiming to be English. I was travelling in Europe once and an English guy asked me where I was from. I said, 'England' and he responded, 'Oh, you're a scotch egg'. I am proud to be a Brit though. I can't imagine not being British because I think that's in my bones and my soul too. Growing up in a multicultural city like Manchester really equipped me with the knowledge and sensitivity to be comfortable around people of different temperaments and backgrounds.
I know Lydia will encounter difficulties growing up. She'll be asked where she's from as well as where her parents are from. People will say mean and hurtful things to her about the way she looks. She'll be told to go back to where she came from. There will be a whole host of questions, judgments and opinions that come with having parents in an interracial relationship. It's also difficult because we live in South Carolina, not exactly the most diverse place in the world. It's a place where you often have to find those mulitcultural moments rather than being automatically surrounded by them. Actively seeking out opportunities to teach my child about diversity seems so counter-intuitive to me. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do.
I often talk about race relations with people. My hope is that people feel comfortable asking questions without fear of offending me or saying the wrong thing. I'm hoping that my experience will help me talk to Lydia too. I often hear comments from interracial couples that they worry about the racism their children will have to deal with. I know these are valid fears, and most of us in this day and age come through it relatively unscathed. I still encounter racism to this day and unfortunately it's just a part of life. It's not that we are born with an innate ability to deal with mean people though. We have a community of people standing by us. There are friends and strangers who are willing to stand up for us when we're feeling weak and beat down, and there are friends and strangers who are willing to stand next to us when we're fighting the fight. It sure does feel like a battle some days. But without the support, it can be a lonely road and a losing battle.
One Love.
I know people mean well when they say things like, 'Oh, I almost forgot you were Chinese!' or 'Oh, I don't even see you as Chinese, you're just Sonia to me!' I imagine it's true for those who say it and they say it as a compliment as well as a sign of their own growth - they see me as a person, not just the colour of my skin. Yet for someone who is Chinese, who lives and breathes and can't escape my own skin, I can't help but wonder how that possibly happens. How do you separate my being Chinese from who I am? I know I can't. I mean, seriously, my being Chinese is pretty in your face. As in all over mine. And in my bones and my soul.
Now if you've never met me and you hear my English accent and see my Irish last name, my being Chinese is probably not what you expect. I often get curious questions like, 'So where are you from?' which typically means, I want to know where you got that accent, and where you got those features. Some people find that offensive, but I don't mind it as it usually means I've piqued someone's interest and they're genuinely curious about me. I even have a canned response for that question these days, a 10 second rundown which inevitably leads to, 'So how did you get here?' which of course leads to the, 'Yes, I really did meet my husband on the internet' story which sparks an entirely different line of questioning!
I identify myself as being Chinese, yet I live the dilemma that many second generation Chinese like myself do. Brought up by eastern philosophy parents in the western world, people often call us bananas - yellow on the outside, white on the inside. It can be disconcerting to not quite fit in when you're in your 'homeland', and not quite fit in where you were brought up either. Our western viewpoints and ideas often clash with those of the east. This can be incredibly confusing and difficult to reconcile; we can't be expected to hold the same views when we were brought up in a different environment. It can be particularly difficult to hear other Chinese people criticise us for not being 'Chinese' enough. I'm not sure how to explain that, but I guess that's for another blog.
So I'm not quite Chinese enough, yet I'm not English either. Even when people say, 'Oh, you're English!' I always correct them because, well, that's what the English would do. It doesn't feel quite right claiming to be English. I was travelling in Europe once and an English guy asked me where I was from. I said, 'England' and he responded, 'Oh, you're a scotch egg'. I am proud to be a Brit though. I can't imagine not being British because I think that's in my bones and my soul too. Growing up in a multicultural city like Manchester really equipped me with the knowledge and sensitivity to be comfortable around people of different temperaments and backgrounds.
I know Lydia will encounter difficulties growing up. She'll be asked where she's from as well as where her parents are from. People will say mean and hurtful things to her about the way she looks. She'll be told to go back to where she came from. There will be a whole host of questions, judgments and opinions that come with having parents in an interracial relationship. It's also difficult because we live in South Carolina, not exactly the most diverse place in the world. It's a place where you often have to find those mulitcultural moments rather than being automatically surrounded by them. Actively seeking out opportunities to teach my child about diversity seems so counter-intuitive to me. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do.
I often talk about race relations with people. My hope is that people feel comfortable asking questions without fear of offending me or saying the wrong thing. I'm hoping that my experience will help me talk to Lydia too. I often hear comments from interracial couples that they worry about the racism their children will have to deal with. I know these are valid fears, and most of us in this day and age come through it relatively unscathed. I still encounter racism to this day and unfortunately it's just a part of life. It's not that we are born with an innate ability to deal with mean people though. We have a community of people standing by us. There are friends and strangers who are willing to stand up for us when we're feeling weak and beat down, and there are friends and strangers who are willing to stand next to us when we're fighting the fight. It sure does feel like a battle some days. But without the support, it can be a lonely road and a losing battle.
One Love.
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