I'm currently fighting off a cough. I thought it was just allergies, but then I started getting that heavy chest feeling yesterday. Today I'm on the verge of either getting better or getting worse! My body betrays me in ways that it didn't ten years ago. My immune system laughs at me and says, 'Long hours, late nights and working on weekends is TOO FUNNY...here are a few germs to remind you of how ridiculous you are!'
My job is changing. Today, four different people at work and my husband asked me, 'How do you feel about that?' Really, they should go through that volunteer training for the hotline. They might be good at it or something. In answer to that question, it's quite sad yet exciting at the same time. I just realised that it's been nine years since I first got hired! It's funny to think of how grown up I am now!
Lydia's changing too. I'm always laughing at Lydia. I asked her to mimic her Daddy's 'bad face' to which she replied, 'I can't do that because I'm too nice'. When I think of Lydia, 'nice' isn't exactly the first word that comes to mind. Cheeky, sassy, animated, dramatic, stubborn, fun-loving... these words come to mind. Nice? Not exactly the top of the list. We just moved her from a home daycare to a development center type setting a couple of weeks ago. She seems to be taking to it quite well and she's enjoying herself. I've found that the biggest things she's learned so far are, 'But why, Mummy?' and 'I don't know'. I wouldn't exactly say I'm proud, but I've been told these are just traits of an average three year old so I'm trying to roll with it!
At this very moment, Gary and Lydia are sleeping outside in a tent. They were supposed to go to a Father's Day sleepover at the aquarium but it got cancelled because there weren't enough people signed up. Gary decided to put up the tent in the back yard, get the sleeping bags out and sleep under the stars. Lydia is loving it. She's been incessantly talking about camping since the Legend of Pinkfoot show she watched. I love watching my husband and child together. Gary's a really great Dad. Lydia is just perfectly Lydia.
Until next time!
It's been 3 weeks since my mother-in-law passed away. Things seem to be settling down for us. I wouldn't say it's back to normal; how normal is it to not have your mother around when she's been there for so long? Gary's Dad seems to be doing well considering he just lost his best friend of forty-five years. Apparently it's the first time he's lived alone in all of his seventy years. He's trying to get used to an entirely different way of living. We're adjusting to the change in family dynamic too.
Thinking about death always makes me think about life. For me, death has always been an inevitable and natural part of life. I imagine I still have some changing and growing to do before I die, but I know now that the essence of who I am will remain the same. For right now, suffice to say I know who I am - my strengths and my flaws - and I continue to work on compassion and selflessness everyday.
I'm not really a bucket list type of person, at least not in the traditional sense. For me, there are two types of bucket lists. The first answers this question, 'If you were to die tomorrow, what would you do today?' The other answers, 'What do you want to achieve and do before you die?' It doesn't matter what type of list mine would be. It definitely does not have climbing Mt. Everest or bungee jumping on it. Oh, I hear you, 'Let go of your fears and take the risk!' If this is a passionate hobby of yours by all means, go for it. It's just not on any list of mine (other than the, 'Never in MY lifetime list'). I'd feel like I'm putting my life in danger to say I've truly lived. Am I the only one who thinks this is a contradiction in terms?!
The bucket list just isn't going to work for me. It puts the focus on doing things before I die to feel like I've lived. I don't want to live in fear of not having lived. I guess I need a Living List, or maybe I just need to live my list and not feel compelled to make a list at all.
I love my life. I love my family. I'll start with that and see where it takes me.
